Happy Mother's Day

My first ever photo with Mom!

~~~

On this tender Mother's Day, 

I received the best possible gift in the world:

all four kids, Aidan, Isabel, Zack, & Eli with me for the day!

We spent the day here at Mom's/Nana's house.

Even while her physical absence leaves such an indescribable ache,

her loving energy is here....

allowing us to laugh and walk the dogs, and make her famous tostados--

knowing it's exactly how she'd want it to be.

Reading through the cards and keepsakes she saved from each of us,

her presence, devotion and caring shine through.

I'm so glad I told her (in more than one card)

that she has always been the "wind beneath my wings".

Nothing has changed in that regard.

We carry your heart with us. We carry it in our hearts.

~~~

This blog has been such a great way to communicate. Mom appreciated it so much as a way to share updates with so many. I will add to it as time goes by, I'm sure. Most of you know that I have my own blog, too, and I will continue to post there more frequently.

https://www.unexpecteddetours.net

Love to each of you who have meant so much to Mom.

I know you are carrying her in your hearts, too.

❤️

4-10-21

Thanks to all of you who have reached out with your love and support. I know you share in our grief and the rollercoaster of emotions that are coming up. 

I ended up flying to Holland on Sunday, the place I can feel most comforted during this tender time. My brother Eric's son, Riley, is taking good care of Nana's house and the animals while I am away for the month, giving me the chance to begin to process the profound before tackling the practical.

Eric did a wonderful job writing Mom's obituary, which is such an incredible task. There is no way to sum up her beautiful, rich life in a few paragraphs, but he captured so much.

https://www.flintofts.com/obituaries/Gail-Ann-Beck?obId=20653226#/celebrationWall

In my heart, she is there, as always. 

It still doesn't feel real...no matter how much time we've had to prepare.

We are thinking at this point that it would be meaningful to celebrate her life on her birthday: August 21st. We're not sure of anything else but we hope you can save that date. We know there will be so many stories to tell and hugs to share. It is a great gift to have a mom who is so beloved. 

We feel that spilling over onto us and we appreciate it more than you can know.

❤️

4-2-21

It is with relief that she is no longer suffering and with heartbreak at how much we will miss her, that I have to share our world altering news: Mom died peacefully last night.

We would give anything for her to have years left to share with us but since that wasn't in the cards we were dealt, we are so grateful that she was able to die in the way she had hoped: quickly and peacefully in her own bed surrounded with love. With an incredible hospice team supporting us, Eric and I were able to be beside her holding her hands till the end. She was able to say a special goodbye to each of her beloved grandchildren and it was also a great comfort to her, to feel like she had left no stone unturned in her affection for each of her many dear friends and family members.

This last 18 months since her diagnosis has been both beautiful and brutal. She made it look a lot easier than it was. The nurse shared that most people dealing with as much pain and medication as Mom, would be nowhere near as active as she's been, especially these last months. She didn't want me to say how brave and strong she was on previous blogposts....but now I get to: she was incredibly, unbelievably brave and strong!!! She lived life to the very fullest for as long as she possibly could.

While we feel such relief that she is at peace, to wake up in a world without her feels utterly disorientating. I know we are not alone in feeling this way and we also know that we will not be alone as we learn to live with these waves of grief.

We talked with her about it and she loved the idea of a "celebration of life" in the summertime. I can only imagine how meaningful it will be to celebrate and connect over our common bond of love for her. 

I will share more soon...there's so much more I want to say about how lucky I am to have had her for a mother but today I can't even begin to articulate it. 

Gail Ann Murchison Beck

8/21/43-4/1/21

~~~~~

All that I am or ever hope to be,

 I owe to my angel mother.

~Abraham Lincoln

3-28-21

In the last month, since hospice took over Mom's care, things have begun to shift into a different gear. While she is more than willing, her body has other ideas and she is having to take an increased amount of medication to be able to manage the pain of the growing tumor in her lung. This means much more time sleeping and hooked to an oxygen tank while in bed.

Even in the midst of this, she is still very much "herself" and is really feeling the love from family and friends near and far. She's tucked up in her "nest" of a room and enjoying the signs of spring popping up in her beautiful yard. And while the visits are getting briefer, she's appreciated that the vaccine has allowed for more in person hugs. 

None of you will be surprised that she's insisting that I stick to my plans to fly to Holland on Wednesday. Eric and family will be spending special time with her while I'm away and I'm thankful to have a super flexible ticket to fly home at any time, if need be.

Until next time....thanks for your continued love and support! ❤️

Eli, Nana, & Riley (Easter 2004)

2-21-21

A quick update:

Along with getting her second Covid vaccine, Mom completed her radiation treatments last week. The treatments were painful and she hasn’t begun to feel the results yet. The doctor is very hopeful that soon she will begin to feel some relief from pain of her growing tumors. We are so hopeful, too, of course! 

At this point, since she has tried everything, we’ve come to a fork in the road and her care will now be managed by hospice (here at home). They are reassuring -and again, we are hopeful- that this will allow her more comfort and a better quality of life going forward.

It’s not an easy time but we are doing our best to take it as it comes with all the mixed and complex emotions that arise, as they do.

~~~~

It has been fun and meaningful to continue to discover old treasures and wonderful photos.

I love the birth announcement that Mimi & Papa made for Mom. Can you tell Papa was in the Navy when she was born? So, so sweet.

He sent her this hula skirt from Hawaii. 

So many touching moments.

Mom & Charlotte (who was just here for a visit yesterday!) at 16.

Thanks for continuing to send your love. 

We can feel it.

❤️

2-5-2021

Wow, it has already been two months since our last update!

Mom has been doing well emotionally but having an increasingly difficult time of it physically. She tried one final round of chemo but it was decided that it was coming at too high a cost for the minimal (if any) benefits. Keeping on top of the increasing amount of pain medication necessary has been wearing thin.

Now she is set to begin a series of five radiation treatments on the tumors in her lung and in her hip bones. Her radiation oncologist is confident that this will reduce her pain by a considerable level, which is hopeful.

Happily, Isabel came for a visit in early January which is the best kind of medicine.

She, Chelsea and I had fun sorting out Mom’s beautiful earring collection and hearing stories about where they came from as we went.

Han arrived from Holland the following week for a visit and has been a big help in so many ways. Besides bringing his sunny spirit, he immediately installed a saftey rail in the shower and a new banister making it much easier (or at least safer) for mom to get up and down the stairs.

Han and I have taken a couple of mini-trips while he’s been here to explore the Pacific Northwest, Riley and Eric took turns filling in while we were away which was a win/win for all.

At this point, Mom is looking forward to being able to reduce her pain medication thanks to her upcoming radiation. She also wants to express her gratitude for all the messages of support, meals, and visits from so many of you!

12-5-20

It has been awhile since Mom's last update...mostly because there hasn't been much new news to report. This week, though, she had another CT scan and yesterday she saw the oncologist for the results. He shared that the cancer growth was holding steady...with some possible shrinkage, which is good news. He wasn't sure if this was due to her latest rounds of chemo or just the nature of the cancer itself.

The current plan is to continue her chemo for the next few weeks and then take a break before scanning again. This will give her a welcomed reprieve from the side effects of the chemo and hopefully more information about how to proceed going forward. 

Overall, she is juggling the medication and the physical effects as well as possible. While I've been in Holland for the last month, she has really enjoyed special one on one time with Eric, Shawn, Chelsea, & Riley. She is currently enjoying time with Zack again, who is back for two weeks (able to do his training online from her house). I arrive back on the 14th so we will be celebrating an early Christmas while we're all together.

We're sure grateful for FaceTime which makes it possible to visit with each other from across the world...and that it enabled her to be part of of my wedding day from over 4,000 miles away: a real cause for celebration for our family amidst this challenging year! We can't wait to get her over here in person to celebrate as soon as the world opens back up again!

She appreciates family and friends keeping in touch and is sending lots of love during this holiday season!